Point A accomplished!

Mostly.

I ended up signing up for the July 17th exam instead of the original July 2nd. Mainly because I signed up too late and there were no spots left at all in Virginia...or at least within a reasonable distance from my house. Luckily I got an 8am exam spot in Newport News for the 17th. Which means I'll have to stay in a hotel the night before because no way I'm waking up at 5am to drive there.

In any case, it's done. Now gotta work on Points B-Y. The studying. Dun dun dun. I've now got two extra weeks to study and I can't let them go to waste.

You Are a Dreamer

You are primarily concerned with possibilities. You tend to be a fanciful person. All of the world's opportunities sometimes overwhelm you. You are obsessed with ideas and tend to be a big thinker. Theories interest you greatly. You crave intellectual stimulation. You are drawn to a philosophical way of life.

I pretty much expected that answer seeing as how I feel half the time I live in a dream sometimes. My mind just loves to wandering in wonderment at all the possibilities in life. The 'What Ifs' instead of the 'Lets do this right now!' I take things one at a time yet all at the same time in heavy loads, thinking about everything at once and focus is very zoomed out instead of zoomed in. While it definitely allows me to work out the fine details that many people tend to miss when planning something, it also disallows me from really seeing the big picture sometimes. And that is definitely a disadvantage. Not that I don't understand that starting at point A will get me to Point Z. It's just that, sometimes I take so much time thinking and contemplating all the other points in between, like what to do at point F and what might happen at point P if point O doesn't go exactly right, that I tend to not really even reach point Z in actuality. Sometimes I don't even reach it in my mind because all the heavy details of the other points are bogging it down. I guess everything has its pros and cons.

So lets see if I can make my dream of becoming a doctor a reality. My detailed points from my current position in the process:

Point A: Actually sign up for the MCAT on July 2nd instead of just talking about taking it that day
Points B - Y: STUDY MY BUTT OFF THIS LAST FREAKIN MONTH
Point Z: Actually TAKE the exam and be DONE WITH IT ONCE AND FOR ALL

Okay so right now Point Z isn't headed towards 'Be a doctor' since realistically there are SEVERAL life steps invovled. But for now, the most important thing I need to accomplish is getting that score on the MCAT so that will be my Point Z dream at the moment.

...and which lesser Harry Potter character are you?

I did always like Ernie because he sticks up for his friends even though he's a tad awkward and slightly annoying. And a dork. But he admits his faults and ends up cool. I'm a bit of a dork anyway. :P Awkward and annoying, however, I am not. Haha.

Archie Proposes to Veronica

How Typical.

The goofy yet lovable and popular boy would completely toss aside the perfectly sweet, kind, and selfless girl-next-door for the rich, gorgeous, and vain snob.

It's how this world realistically works. Men overlook the simple girls for the stylish. The smart for the sexy. The sentimental and sweet for the rich and famous.

Having been a fan of Archie Comics since my cousin first introduced me to them at the age of 11, I have been an avid supporter of Archie x Betty. No I don't hate Veronica. She does have her nice moments just like Betty has had her sly ones. But overall, Betty is the more wholesome, down-to-earth, realistic and giving girl. Veronica, no matter how you look at it, will always be a smarmy prig.

Betty is just always doing so much for Archie. She's always baking and cooking him goodies from scratch, sewing and knitting him clothes, rushing to his side when he's down, loaning him money for whatever he needs including dates with Veronica, and sticking with him even when he's not having a "cool" or "classy" moment.

Veronica buys her way in with all the guys, always puts down her best friend Betty, can't do anything homemade, and never sticks with Archie when he's down and out for fear of it making her look bad.

Okay so you know what, maybe Archie doesn't even deserve Betty. He should stick with Veronica who may be hot now but will eventually lose that beauty to age. Not that old women people can't be good-looking. It's just, that's all she's got: beauty and money. Betty's got the brains, beauty, and heart. Poor thing is always being pushed aside though for second, always the rebound girl if Veronica declines a date with Archie.

Come to think of it, why would such an awesome go-getter talented girl like Betty even WANT a guy who always picks her second? STAND UP FOR YOURSELF BLONDIE! She deserves way better than what Archie has ever offered.

He can have Veronica and lets see how far that goes. Eventually he'll realize that he's tired of living in the lap of luxury because he'll start missing normal non-rich activities. And on top of that, because he'll have servants to do everything for him, he'll just end up getting fat from no exercise and we know Veronica is superficial and will definitely care if Archie winds up fat and ugly. Archie will also start missing home cooked meals which Veronica, no matter how hard she tries, just can't do. He'll also embarrass her at formal five-star events and get picked on from the highbrow society for being a commoner.

Once he realizes all these negatives, he'll start thinking that maybe he should have stuck with plain ole Betty but by the time he tries to go back to her, she's already on her way to achieving her own happiness because she's the next Martha Stewart-Michelle Obama-Jennifer Capriati combo all in one. The creative homemaker, the astute politician, and an amazing athlete. On top of that she's married to the younger version of Brad Pitt whose got the personality of Romeo Montague with a smattering of Remy LeBeau and Heath Ledger accent.

Take that Archie Andrews. You miss the chance with a sweet girl once, you've lost it forever. Don't think she's going to be waiting around for you forever just because she adored you in the teenage years. Girls have to move on too and they're not about to wait around for lovesick fools with no sense to come around.

These days it's not all about waiting around in the tower like Rapunzel for the prince to come get you. Rapunzels of the 21st century cut their own hair with their own teeth and toss themselves down to the hard ground below but not before knocking out the old witch when she comes to visit and tying her up to the chair.

Betty Coopers of the world need to take a stand against the Veronica Lodges and say, Forget you! You can take Archie Andrews because he's not worth my time! Betty Coopers might be strong and self-made but even they need a guy who will treat them like a princess and not like some hand-me-down car wash cloth.

Don't take him back even if he comes crawling on all fours and offers to wash your car with his tongue. Go be the super combo woman and marry your Aussie Brad Pitt Gambit Romeo.

You Are a Peach Smoothie

You are indulgent and a bit hedonistic. You crave luxury in all aspects of your life. You are passionate and even a bit temperamental. You have strong emotions. You are fiery and expressive. You don't hide what you feel, even if people may not want to know it. You are charming and a natural entertainer. People are drawn to your charisma.

Interesting. Personally I don't even like peaches. The smell, taste, whatever. However, I have been having smoothies quite regularly so I thought, why not take this little quiz? The ones I make are with blueberry yogurt, 4-5 fresh strawberries, 1 banana, and some fruit juice and ice. It's best when the strawberries have just ripened and the banana still has a little green on the outside, on the brink of ripeness.

Mmm...I think I'm gonna go make myself one now as my study snack. :)

I'm currently in love with LeAnn Rimes' song Right Kind of Wrong. During my pasta dinner tonight I was watching Coyote Ugly for the first time (it was on TV) and heard this song and fell in love! She's got such an amazingly strong voice and the lyrics are fabulous.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pN0p44dGhI4&NR=1

Just thought I'd throw that out there. Especially since I think I just listened to it about ten times straight. Haha. Yeah when I find a new song I like, I get a tad bit obsessive. Other obession song right now is Jesse McCartney's 'Crash and Burn.' It's currently my ringtone. The first one I've ever bought! :0

Aside from that, I was re-reading old entries yet again and realized that back in freshman year, most of them were the typical, "Dear Diary this is what happened today and this is how it made me feel" type entries. I was so carefree and all immersed within studies. So simple.

The past entries from senior year were all sort of, "Screw you diary cause you can't tell me the meaning of life as I try to figure it out while typing this entry."

Ha. That is probably the best thing about journaling whether it be in an actual leather-bound journal or this sort of internet one. No matter what, as long as it's something you've written, you can go back to it, read it, and then compare yourself from back then to right now. You can even compare yourself from last week to right now. Maybe it's the writing styles that you can compare or the actual events and emotions. But it's all plain and simply you and you alone that is coming out and being expressed through the words.

I can read this exact entry next week and think, Oh my writing is the same but I'm not feeling as analytical today. Or I can do what I'm doing right now and think, Wow my writing back in 2005 was a lot of kidstuff and I've certainly changed in my thinking. But the thing that remains the same is that I'm still shooting for the same goal as I did back then.

It's just great to be able to do that. When I think that reading my entries, no matter how kiddish or how serious, lets me take a glimpse into my own mind from a psuedo-outsiders point of view, it makes me want to never stop writing just so I can come back later and read what I've written for myself.

Life is full of signs. Not signs like the STOP sign at the end of the street or the yellow caution sign for curvy roads.

The signs I'm talking about are the ones that are embedded deep within the very life you lead, moving along as you do and only popping up when the time is right. They are subtle, not glaringly bright like the neon OPEN signs of the little drugstore at the corner. You could say they're almost invisible at times. Maybe even like another language and only those who care to be literate in the sign-reading and keep their eyes wide open, minds clear and hearts willing to understand are able to take a mental snapshot of the sign, commit it to memory, and then later analyze it.

Because these signs are so unclear at times and so difficult to see, they require special thought, special attention, and extra focus to fully grasp what it is they are trying to tell us. Sometimes, we might read it wrong, the way a child may interpret the definition of a word incorrectly. We are all still learning and still growing at this "reading signs in life and nature" thing. Some of us never even know that this world of signs is being played out to us by life and continue about our merry way making mistakes when they could have been prevented if only you knew how to read. Some of us are so adept with our reading skills that we have PhDs and rattle off the meanings like our ABCs and even manage to read the signs meant for friends. But this tenacity can be taken as too overbearing at times and so in tune we might be with simply analyzing the signs that we forget to actually truly look into what it is saying and follow its words.

Then lastly, you have the in-betweens. Which is more or less most people. Sometimes we see the signs. Sometimes we don't. When we do, we then make a conscious decision to either accept and analyze or ignore it. If we choose the latter, maybe after a while, we then accept it as a sign and try to figure out how it plays into our lives. And then, if it's the case that we completely miss a sign, then maybe life gives us an opportunity to make a U-turn and catch a glimpse of it if it's truly important. Then again, if it's not really all that significant, we'll not waste time on backtracking and hopefully catch the next sign as it comes. Signs are persistent in making sure you get the message.

Which is the one obvious goal: relay a message to you. Sometimes it takes several signs for you to get the message loud and clear. Other times you pick it up right away. Depends on what type of sign reader you are. But regardless of how long it takes, short or long, as long as you get it and understand what life is trying to tell you. And once you understand it is up to you to make the decisions or changes necessary to keep on going.

You Are a Cartographer

You have a wide range of knowledge and you're very detail oriented. You have a photographic memory, and you remember places very well. Like a middle ages cartographer, you're also very adventurous and curious about the world. In modern times, you would make a good non-fiction writer or scientist.

I WISH I had a photographic memory! Would've helped me out in school immensely. Although it is true that as far as places and driving goes, I do remember locations by the visuals more so than the street names or numbers. Which is probably why I always get lost on the highway and take the wrong exit because all there is to go by are the numbers and the only visuals are trees!!! As for being a non-fiction writer...hmm I have recently begun to dabble in non-fiction writing a bit more than fiction. I'm still much more attached to reading/writing fiction though but non-fiction's not so bad. And the scientist bit...well I do like science!

Yes I am in a random-quiz taking mood.

You Are a Chimera

You are very outgoing and well connected to many people. Incredibly devoted to your family and friends, you find purpose in nurturing others. You are rarely alone, and you do best in the company of others. You are incredibly expressive, and people are sometimes overwhelmed by your strong emotions.

Darn. I wanted to be a fairy. Though the above description seems fairly accurate. Except that I don't think I'm overwhelmingly expressive...except when I'm super angry sometimes. Maybe only then.

Your Extroversion Profile:

Friendliness: Very High Assertiveness: High Excitement Seeking: High Cheerfulness: Medium Sociability: Medium Activity Level: Low

My results from May 21, 2005 were:

Your Extroversion Profile:
Cheerfulness: Very High
Friendliness: Very High
Excitement Seeking: High
Activity Level: Medium
Assertiveness: Medium
Sociability: Medium

When the flat ballet shoe style became popular a few years back, I vowed never to buy a pair for the fact that they were too 'cute' and 'girly' and that in general, flat shoes hurt my feet. I needed some padding, some cushioning that's provided quite well in sneakers. I wear flip flops that are flat but I can't wear those super thin flip flops that when you walk, you might as well not even have anything on your feet.

Today, I more or less, broke that vow because I cannot walk around the medical campus in my pumps or even my nice, expensive Liz Claiborne shoes. You'd think that those are perfect for shadowing doctors in and they are. They look awesome with my outfits. But they are highly impractical for walking up and down the stupid hill.

The thing is, if I have to just walk around a building, that would be fine and dandy. My feet could take those shoes. But its the darn hill. See from where I park, I take the elevator up and then walk through some hallways to get to one of the medical buildings. I have yet to figure out exactly how I'm on one side of that campus and end up in another just by some tunnels. In any case, at the moment, on Tuesdays, the place where I shadow is a good several blocks away. This requires that I leave the building I emerge into from the parking deck and walk up this ghastly hill. In sneakers, it's a piece of cake. In anything else, it's painful. Good exercise, but painful. On top of that, the bricks on the sidewalk aren't even flat! Once I get up that hill, I have to walk a few blocks over, cross the street, cross a parking lot and I'm there. Sounds simple but after that upward hike, my feet in the pumps or Liz Claibornes have had it. I really admire those women who walk around in heels and fancy shoes all day for work, walking here and there, standing forever. In any case, sometimes I walk up and down that hill a few times. Thursdays aren't so bad because as soon as I exit the parking deck tunnel into the building, the place I'm supposed to be literally right there. But I do have to go up the hill to buy lunch then come back down to meet Esther at her workplace.

Now I know that's a whole lot of complaining in one paragraph merely about shoes. The point is, however, that today, I ventured out to Payless and came out victorious with three pairs of flats. Yes the very flats I vowed never to buy or wear. Well actually the black pair of shoes are Mary Janes which are still pretty flat. Then I got a pair of brown flats with an elastic strap. I like having straps because my right foot I've come to realize might be just a little smaller than my left so whenever I wear shoes without straps, the right one is a little loose so my foot tends to slip out from time to time. Quite annoying when you're huffing up an uneven brick-lined hill and you go to take a step but realize your shoe is no longer on your foot. Anyways, the third pair is a guilty pleasure pair. They're camo print flats with golden trim and a golden bow. I know, the gold and the bow sort of throw off the entire camo attitude but nonetheless, they're camo so I just had to buy them! Plus, they were only 9 bucks! Major steal. The brown flats were 10 bucks and the Mary Janes were about 19. So overall, not too bad. And they're all pretty comfortable and hopefully will not cause my feet to cry in pain when I'm down shadowing in the coming weeks. The only problem I have now is that my dress pants are too long to be worn with flats...

Tomorrow I won't wear dress pants, just my black jeans with a nice top. As for the remainder, that's a problem to be solved next week. Perhaps buy new, shorter dress pants. ;)

Okay so despite the fact that only a few hours ago I posted this gung-ho ready-to-study-and-take-on-the-world entry, I'm back on clearly not studying or taking on anything except my own guilt. But really I had a sudden burst of writerness. What is writerness? Simple. It's when a fuse is lit deep within your soul which causes this spark of tingly energy to surge throughout your entire being until it simultaneously settles only within your mind and your fingertips. Naturally when your mind and fingertips are the only parts of your body to be spontaneously energized, the next step will be to write. Something. Anything. Everything. Thus, writerness.

It may be caused by any number of reasons. For me, it was the lack of wi-fi or rather, my inability to figure out how to get my new laptop to pick up the signal at the public library. Where I currently am because like a good little studier, I came to study and review the last practice exam I took. Unfortunately as luck would have it, my laptop did not pick up the wireless signal no matter how hard I tried. Seeing as how I'm very obviously online right now typing, I did finally manage to get it to connect. But not before the writerness spark was ignited.

There I was, sitting in utter defeat and total annoyance at my laptop, which since it is brand spanking new, it should pick up wi-fi signal faster than a baby can start crying after its been pinched. But no. Fate would not have it as such. Now, I contemplated just packing up, going home, and yelling at my dad that this new laptop is defective. But I chose the more mature approach, which was to sit here, open up Word, and see what words I could make spring to life upon the blank page.

Just before I opened up word, I happened to be staring at my desktop screen which is a photo of our neighborhood lake that I took before sunset. You see the lake, then the opposite shore of the lake and many, many trees but embedded within the trees and half-hidden by them, is a house. You can tell its a pretty large, expensive house too. There's a three-car garage! In any case, the simple phrase "The house across the lake" ran through my mind and from there, the fuse lit. Energizer bunny move on over! Writerness has taken control and as soon as the beautiful white page of Word popped open, I began to fill it up with a random start of a new story of yes, you guessed it, a house across the lake. Who lives in the house? Why is it across the lake? I don't know. I just let my thoughts flow out, words escape, too many to keep inside, all overflowing in chunks we call paragraphs yet cohesive, each word and phrase feeling like its the most important one in the world because they are part of a whole that has yet to be completed. Starting somewhere and just going. For fun. Pure and simple fun.

As for completion, that's not the main point here. Neither is the full story or any of it really. It's just the idea of the story, the push of the words, coming out steadily sometimes, other times in bursts and spurts.

I obviously haven't story-wrote for a while which is probably the reason for my currently unprecedented and random exuberance at having written a few mere paragraphs. But while writing those paragraphs, I was fully immersed in that world of the eleven year old sitting and watching the house across the lake and loving the lake for all its worth. What happens next? Who knows. It might have been a one-time lake experience just to boost my energy or it may be the start of something bigger.

In any case, I no longer felt so despondent at the lack of wireless and therefore decided to attempt connection again a different way. Lo and behold it worked! This then prompted me to post an entry about my writerness because I'm still riding on its wave.

Anyways, on a more normal note and completely different page, I went to the gym today to meet with a personal trainer which comes with the package of signing up. Turns out, even though I haven't worked out in years, according to my age, height, weight, and other things, my BMI is in the healthy range and my metabolic age is 12. Which means that my metabolism is like that of a 12 year olds. Helloooo more carbs! My mom has made me cut down on them. No I'm not going to go on a carb gorge fest now that I know that my metabolism is working right but that doesn't mean I'm going to cut back as much. I just need to eat healthy, not eat less. So I say as I gulp down some Sheetz coffee which definitely can't be healthy for anything.

Alrighty so I've definitely written more than enough random ramblings and the sky is definitely less lighter than it was when I first started this entry. I have one hour left in the library before they close and my MCAT book is staring up at me and saturated in a guilt-trip.

I think I'll just blame the coffee for this one.

I need to put it out there that I will and must become extremely strict with myself for the next month and a half. I've only got until July and this is my absolute last chance at taking this exam. No more excuses. No more chances. No more failure.

Only self-redemption and stepping forward.

Therefore, this is a declaration to myself that until July 2nd is over and done with, I will not log into Facebook, I will not sign onto GChat or AIM, I will not waste my time idly doing useless time-wasting things of which there are several and too many to list.

Procrastination is henceforth eliminated as is being lazy and carefree. Only one day per weekend is allowed for fun or weekend nights. I must stick to the schedule I have created for myself in regards to studying and exercising until the exam is done with.

Because honestly speaking, if I don't do well, I'm screwed. Goodbye life as I know it. And my life I don't mean my ability to inhale and exhale.

The only reason I should really even use the internet is to check my email, take practice exams, and update here. Otherwise, no use.

Here's my proposed schedule for the week:

Monday - Take a practice exam and start reviewing it
Tuesday - Review the exam in its entirety
Wednesday - Break it down by topic and review topics (Phys/Chem)
Thursday - Break it down by topic and review topics (Bio/Orgo)
Friday - Verbal and writing practice
Saturday - Review until 5pm; free play at night
Sunday - Housework/Other random things because honestly you can't really halt the rest of your world

I have a much more detailed schedule with times and lunch breaks on Excel which I have yet to print out. But that is the gist of what the next several weeks should be like with shadowing on Tuesday and Thursday mornings and gym time every day.

I hate the MCATs but...

...LETS DO THIS!

Lets define the question first and then I'll proceed to answer.

So first off, I'm assuming 'on your own' would mean that I have absolutely no means of communicating with another human via laptop, cell phone, or even snail mail. Hence, I would be completely alone with no modern conveniences to aid in my survival.

'In the wild' I will then assume refers to a desolate area somewhere that civilization is years from touching, lots and lot of trees and large, potentially dangerous animals everywhere.

Now putting the above two together, me without anyone or anything except the clothes on my back, thrown into the middle of a dense Amazonian-type forest where giant-sized insects lurk around every leaf, the estimated time of my survival would be very very short indeed.

Why do I say this? Because I have never been super-camping aka camping in the woods in a tent, gathering branches to start your own fire, and catching fish for supper. I have no idea how to read the stars to figure out what direction I'd have to travel if I was lost somewhere, I'm not much of a pet person so why on earth would I warm up to the big jungle creatures, and I am not good with exercise (though I am going to start back up at the gym next week!)

Realistically speaking though, if I really were to be stuck in the wild alone, then human instinct is to try to survive until you draw the last possible breath your lungs can manage to squeeze out. Which means that although I currently think that I would barely last a day alone, it is inevitable that anyone in such a situation wouldn't at least try. Your mind starts to think in different ways when you are forced into a position which requires you to do things you've never experienced before. And although TV and movies are for the purpose of entertainment, through this entertainment value there is definitely some truth to what they portray. I mean, sure everyone always says, 'Oh only in the movies would this happen' but really, I know that if I were stuck in the wild somewhere, most of my knowledge I have for trying to survive in a jungle setting would come from that big silver box sitting in our family room. Plus I read books and books are, in my opinion, the best way to attain new information.

So using whatever knowledge I could summon to the front of my mind while keeping all thoughts of being eaten by a bear away, now I think that maybe, just maybe I could survive more than a measly day in the wild. I'd like to think that perhaps, as long as I was able to find a source of hydration, that I could quite possibly last at least one week. Its not like I've never had to 'rough it' a bit and I'm pretty good at adapting to different environments and situations. And although I have no idea how to capture a small animal for dinner, I know how to skin and gut one at least thanks to anatomy class. The fire thing we'd have to work on. I know the basic concept but have never tried it before. And as for running water, all I know is that you just have to listen for it. Hopefully though if I were flung into the jungle, I'd at least find myself near a stream. I think the one thing I'd have trouble overcoming, however, is my fear of all things creepy and crawly. That one...well, lets just not think about right now.

Anyways, knowing my family, if it was known that I was lost somewhere in the wild, I'm sure I wouldn't have to try to last a week because I'm sure they'd send a search party to find me. Haha.

I have been trying to login to my account for a while now by typing in various forms of my password yet with no results until just now. At long last! I have been wanting to update for a while because quiet frankly, I've had many moments these past few months in which I have needed a good writing rant. Since I was unable to login in here, I settled for the old-fashioned method of journaling - an actual physical journal and a pen. Which at least helps me on my penmenship as well as helping to fill my journal. A goal I have is to at least complete ONE of my many journals that I have and yes, use. Currently I think I've got three all in various stages of my life. If one wanted to get a proper idea of what went on with me, heck if I want to know what went on during the moments I actually wrote, I'd have to sit down with those three journals plus this one to work out the chronology of events.

In any case, I'm being random and at the moment, I have no reason to rant, just a desire to write. While I was actually waiting to be unbanned from attempting to login (because I tried too many times my IP was banned momentarily) I went back through some of my old entries and decided to retake a few of the little online tests I had posted results for to see if they would be the same years later.

Interestingly enough, the first one I took does not have the same results. I took one that is called The Key to Your Heart which asks questions all dealing with animals and the answer choices being various animals. I guess its one of those things like if you pick 'Cat' it means you're sly and if you pick 'Dog' you're friendly but on a different scale. Anyways, here's my current result for this one:

Your Heart Craves Love

You are attracted to obedience and warmth.**

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.**

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.**

Your risk of cheating is low. Even if you're tempted, you'd try hard not to do it.**

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.


My previous results back on May 19, 2005 was:

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.




I noted the things that are different with the astericks. Apparently, I went from being attracted to the bad-boy type to someone more stable, hating evil jerkness more than man-PMS, wanting openness more than comfort, and lastly, and this is the kicker...I could potentially be tempted into cheating. Which if you think about it, could come from if the whole 'obedience and warmth' guy is code for 'boring and bland' guy and since I want to be more open, at least I'd be open about possibly temptations to Mr. B&B which would at least keep the relationship strong since I've heard honesty in these things is key to success.

Oh man. Haha I'm just laughing at myself and the above. I don't know why I even re-took such a random quiz and on top of that, analyzed the differences in my results. Actually, now that I think about it, even for such a small random thing, I could probably analyze it to a deeper extent but I think I'll keep those thoughts to myself for now. I'll just think about it.

Anyways, an even randomer requiz I just did is one about What Kind of American English Do You Speak. My results right now are:

55% General American English

25% Yankee

20% Dixie

0% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern



On May 4, 2005:


60% General American English

25% Yankee

15% Dixie

0% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern


So I became slightly more Dixie which I'm guessing is open fields, Faith Hill, a herd of cows or two type country whereas Midwestern and Upper Midwestern is tractor racing, three-acre land tilling, walking through cornfields country.

Which is interesting that my speech would become more country than Yankee seeing as how the past five years I've been to a fairly urban school despite all its multicultural staff and students mix. I do love country music though. :)


Alrighty then it's very much past my bedtime and now that I can login to LJ again, my life is now a little brighter. Haha.

Being the bossy person that I am, I of course love it when I say something and it's done my way. I've even been told that if I don't have things done in my way then I keep pushing and shoving and yes maybe almost even forcing others to also push and shove until my demands are quite nearly met. And if others don't do it, then I steamroll over them, toss them to the side and keep going so that what I want is done. That is to say, that this does not apply to every little thing. Only in certain situations.

And who can forget about having fun? The world is saturated in tempting goodies that just scream for you to join them in fun. School or play? Study or sleep? Wheat bread or funnel cake? You get the general idea of where I'm headed with this.

Or so you think. With all that I've said, I'm obviously leaning towards the camp that is Amy, filled with the frilly pretty pink ribbons decorating the majestic princess throne which sits in the middle of all the carnival tents surrounded by thrilling theme park rides.

Not.

The Jo camp is it for me. Turned the tables didn't I? Sure I could have just straight off the bat said which one I preferred over the other but in all honesty, when you're comparing between two lifestyles or personality types like this, everyone has some overlap. Naturally in the end most people will staunchly side with one or the other but you definitely cannot deny being able to still relate with what's on the other side of the fence to some degree, even if it's only so much as just realizing that yes you breathe the same air as those 'over there.'

So why after all of the above, do I choose to enroll myself in the Jo camp? While Amy's counselors might be teaching her little campers to know how to get your way by being cute, the counselors over here at the Camp of Jo like to teach their women how to be I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS! Sorry. Had to do that. Moving on...in this world, you may think that when you're attempting to finish a big project, the people who are supposed to be working under you will give up just one lunch break to lend you a helping hand to get things done on time. Yeah. If you think that, get those thoughts outta your head this instant. Take a big fat eraser and rub away such hopeful and optimistic views. Because it ain't happenin.

People are selfish. Fact of life. I'm selfish. You're selfish. However, it's the levels of selfishness and selflessness that determine to what extent we're willing to do things that are not for the benefit of me, myself, and I. Not to say that there aren't people who will not willingly spare you their precious coffee break to run an errand or watch your back. There are people like that. Otherwise known as friends and family. But collectively, globally, whatever term you want to use, it's hard to get these people up and doing things for others.

Say for example, you randomly group together 10 people who don't know each other and give them a task to complete as a group. Out of those ten, one will become the leader, one will become the leader's right hand man or woman, and maybe 2-3 will make up the Cabinet. Another 2-3 could possibly be termed loyal followers meaning that they do just that - follow what is assigned to them yet the work they do is probably 50% usable, 50% crap. Meaning they didn't really put their hearts into it meaning they weren't really all that loyal. So then they just become followers. And the rest 2-4? The stragglers. The ones who couldn't care less what goes on except for the drama in their own lives which hey, is only dramatic because they made it as such all on their own. And at the end of all this, what ultimately happens? The one person who was stupid enough to either accept or self-proclaim the title of 'Leader' is now stuck in a rut with a super long To-Do list in a race against time and the right-hand man is in a similar rut, only smaller. In desolation, the Cabinet members attempt to do what they can but I mean they do have lives which need to be attended to at some point.

My conclusion to all of the loveliness above is that independence is a key to getting on in this wonderful world we live in. Depending on people? Maybe? But not really? Knowing what you want to do and achieving your goals through your own smart means is the way to go. Sure maybe you fall flat on your face once, twice, maybe even a third time and there's always been someone to help you back up. But eventually you'll have to start stepping out into the real world, first a toe, then an entire foot, then both feet and finally just toss your entire being over the line. And when you do toss yourself and that toss was just a little too hard and you fall flat on your face on this side of the line, you have to use those feet that you used to walk over to this side to get back up and keep walking forward.

Jo campers versus Amy campers? Independence versus Fun? Both are amazing in their own right. But when it comes down to it, at this point in life, I think I'll attend what Jo Camp has to offer next summer.

But nothing's gonna stop me from occasionally sneaking over to visit the Amy camp. Independently of course. :)




Sidenote: Wow. Totally did not expect all that to come out. I think I took the entire Jo vs. Amy thing to a completely different understanding in relation to now. Ha. It was fun. I think I'm going to like these little Writer's Block prompts Livejournal now provides.

Sometimes...actually, many times, I just want to distance myself from people. Definition of people being any individual who is not an immediate family member or extremely close friend. Using this definition, the world around me would shrink immensely but I don't think I would mind at all. It would limit my interaction to my parents, my sister, and the few friends I see and talk to daily which currently is about three people. So that makes it six...not bad. Three family, three friends. I could get used to that. Really I could. Well I'd probably have to expand that number to my friends with whom I still am in contact with but are no longer in Richmond. But I mean that's long-distance friendship and again, that comes down to three that I keep in touch with more often than those with whom I don't. Anyways, numbers aside, honestly I don't really want to be INVOLVED with things anymore. I just want to BE and I just want to do things for MYSELF. I'm tired of stretching myself thin for people who don't even CARE. I'm tired of having my niceness and naivety being taken advantage of. Okay so those are all the reasons for my not really staying in touch with people all summer. I just wanted to relax and regrow my nerves that were shot. I needed to reform the feelings I had lost. But just as my mind, body, and soul began to recuperate, the various factors are all disintegrating because of PEOPLE! And really its not just a ONE person at all. Its just in general. Really. Okay maybe a few specific people do get under my nerves (whatever nerves are left that is) but that's beside the point. Maybe I should be a bit bolder and seriously step away from it all. Completely and utterly. But then...if I did...I always wonder if there is someone to do what I've been doing? I always feel as though I've got a responsibility to help others out. Which then makes me wonder, how do others view it? Maybe I don't need to put myself two steps forward when it just burns me out. I dunno. This has just been a random jumble of thoughts that have been floating around my mind and needed to come out somehow, somewhere...